Elvis Week was released in 2016 and was my first digital-only album. This album contains some of my more popular songs including Elvis Week, Hulk Hogan Goes To Court and Cosmetic School Graduation. Clicking the links next titles of the songs will take you to their lyrics and videos. The links directly below will take you popular streaming and downloading sites.
Lyrics and Videos
| Song | ||
| Just Say You Don’t Love Me | Lyrics | Video |
| Footprints | Lyrics | |
| Lucy | Lyrics | |
| Turning Into An Old Man | Lyrics | |
| Elvis Week | Lyrics | Video |
| Hulk Hogan Goes To Court | Lyrics | Video |
| Ballad of the Pennsylvania Swiss Cheese Man | Lyrics | Video |
| Every Other Day | Lyrics | |
| Cosmetic School Graduation | Lyrics | Video |
| Will You Hide Inside My Heart | Lyrics |
Just Say You Don’t Love Me
Barry Gibb asked me how you mend a broken heart I can’t say ‘cause every girl I know just tears mine all apart Just when I think I’ve found someone who’s more than just a friend She says that something’s wrong and then my heart gets broke again She says that she’s the problem and there’s nothing wrong with me She never mentions someone else that she would rather see She says some things that make me think that we can still be friends She says that she is sorry this is how it has to end Seems like every woman That I ever knew Says there’s another woman Out there better for you I don’t want to hear excuses I don’t want to play your games Just say you don’t love me ‘cause it all hurts just the same A broken heart ain’t mended when a new girl comes along And it breaks a little more each time you hear a Bee Gees song And alcohol may help you forget about the pain But alcohol in open wounds just makes it hurt again The moral of this song is never give away your heart The ones you love the most love you the least right from the start Just keep her at a distance; it’s the best thing you can do And find somebody new before she does the same to you Seems like every woman That I ever knew Says there’s another woman Out there better for you I don’t want to hear excuses I don’t want to play your games Just say you don’t love me ‘cause it all hurts just the same Art Wheeler © 2016
Footprints
Grandma’s tellin’ bout the footprints Goin’ across the back porch Grandpa’s tellin’ bout the footprints Goin’ across the back porch Here comes the white tornado Daddy’s checkin’ on the footprints Goin’ across the back porch Here comes the white tornado We’ve cannot pull him out Why this? Why now? I am only a little child Momma’s checkin’ on the footprints Goin’ across the back porch Here comes the white tornado I cannot pull her out Why this? Why now? I am only a little child I’m checkin’ on the footprints Goin’ across the back porch Here comes the white tornado No one to pull me out Grandma and Grandpa sittin’ ‘round the house Not worried about the back porch Butter press and a cookie jar In a painting by Aunt Pearl Covered by a mill in the snow Art Wheeler © 2016
Lucy
Lucy’s got a hole in her panties Lucy’s got a hole in her panties If you crawl under her chair And you look up there You’ll see that Lucy’s got a hole in her panties Now Lucy is very pretty And Lucy is as sweet as can be Lucy sits at my table And Lucy sits next to me And if you crawl under our table They say that there is something to see Now someone crawled under the table To pick up a pencil or two Or maybe to hide from the teacher Or maybe just something to do And then they saw Lucy’s panties And they said that I should tell you Lucy always wears a pretty dress And lots of bows in her hair But you can always see her panties When she sits down in her chair But only from under the table If you happen to be down there First grade can be very scary And some kids cry every day But when you sit next to Lucy She always has something to say Talking about her bows and her dress And kicking boys out of the way The teacher lined up the boys In front of the class again And then she started wagging her finger And calling us young men And she says she’s gonna tell our daddies If we crawl under the table again Art Wheeler © 2016
Turning Into An Old Man
I’m looking in the mirror And I don’t know what I see Who is that old man Looking back at me? He looks pretty familiar But he’s got a lot less hair Than the man that usually looks at me When I look in there I’m turning into an old man I’m turning into my old man And I think he’s gotten fatter And he doesn’t seem to care If his hair points down like Dracula’s Or if it stands up in the air And he seems to be less happy And he never seems to smile Like the man that used to look at me I haven’t seen him in a while I’m turning into an old man I’m turning into my old man He’s angry with his children Angry with his wife Angry with the people He’s known all of his life He’s angry with the government And the grocery store Sometimes he gets over it Then he gets angry some more He doesn’t look too healthy Or like he feels very good Or that he gets much exercise Like he knows he should He seems to be a stranger And I wonder why He’s is so reluctant To look me in the eye I’m turning into an old man I’m turning into my old man Art Wheeler © 2016
Elvis Week
They're holding a candlelight vigil For a man that died many years ago But I'm going to Memphis on August 15th Go and be part of the show Memphis in August is hotter than hell And Graceland gets busy as crowds start to swell But if you go one time I think that you'll see That on August 15th there's nowhere else to be Chorus Would you go to Elvis week with me? Would you go to Elvis Week to see Thousands of fans With candles in their hands Singing I can't help falling In love with you If you want to go for just a day When they ask you, you can truly say You have been to see Elvis week with me In a tent where performers sing Elvis' songs Stands a kid in a jumpsuit who's got it all wrong He don't look like Elvis, He don't sing that good But he shakes and he dances just like Elvis would On American Trilogy the audience stands And reaches for scarves he holds out in his hand He sings with a CD instead of a band And on August 15th he has hundreds of fans (Chorus) There are celebrities that you might see Maybe Priscilla or Lisa Marie One of his friends or maybe his cook Or Dr. Nicopolus signing his book Touring the house that the singer made famous The audio guide is the voice of John Stamos Leaving some flowers on top of his grave Buying some gifts that for years you will save Elvis shirts and Elvis pants Elvis mugs and Elvis hats Elvis lighters and Elvis ties Elvis toys and Elvis knives Elvis sideburns Elvis hair Elvis cups and Elvis chairs Elvis ashtrays, Elvis books Elvis glasses for Elvis looks (Chorus) Art Wheeler © 2016
Hulk Hogan Goes To Court
Hulk Hogan goes to court Swearin' to tell the truth the whole truth and nothin' but the truth Hulk Hogan goes to court Swearin' to tell the truth the whole truth and nothin' but the truth Hulk goes to court Hulk Hogan goes to court Swearin' to tell the truth the whole truth and nothin' but the truth Hulk Hogan goes to court Swearin' to tell the truth the whole truth and nothin' but the truth Art Wheeler © 2016
Ballad Of The Pennsylvania Swiss Cheese Man
At a Pennsylvania traffic light
With his pants down to his knees
Sits a man who has a fetish
A fetish for Swiss cheese
He rubs it on his body
In a very sensual way
And he’ll pay you twenty dollars
If you help him out today
He drives the streets of Philly
With Swiss cheese by the slice
Lying in the seat beside him
And a smile that looks real nice
But he’s riding with his pants down
And he just wants you to see
What he looks like with his pants down
And what he likes to do with cheese
He doesn’t like your Limburger
Your Gouda is no good
And your Cheddar does no better
Than your Feta ever would
Not partial to your Parmesan
And he doesn’t beg for Brie
You can’t dismiss his love for Swiss
He really loves his cheese
Does sharp cheese make him sharper?
Does mild cheese calm him down?
I wonder what he does with cream cheese
Named after his town?
Now they have arrested him
And he sits around in jail
No car to drive around in
No one to pay his bail
No traffic lights to sit at
No pants around his knees
No smile across his face
And no way to get Swiss cheese
Art Wheeler © 2016
Every Other Day
Every other day Every other day, I’ve got the blues Every other day Every other day, I’ve got the blues And every other day from that, I’m not blue at all One day I feel good The next I feel bad One day I’m happy The next day I’m sad Every other day Every other day, I’ve got the blues And every other day from that, I’m not blue at all One day it’s sunny The next day it rains One day I’m healthy The next I’m in pain Every other day Every other day, I’ve got the blues And every other day from that, I’m not blue at all One day she loves me The next day she don’t One day she’ll kiss me The next day she won’t Every other day Every other day, I’ve got the blues And every other day from that, I’m not blue at all One day I’m laughing The next day I cry It just keeps on changing I don’t understand why Every other day Every other day, I’ve got the blues And every other day from that, I’m not blue at all Art Wheeler © 2016
Cosmetic School Graduation
It was the best deal going in the whole wide world For a guy that’s broke like me. It was the best deal going in the whole wide world And a deal that was nearly free It was the best five dollars that I ever spent Just to sit down in a chair It was the best five dollars that I ever spent Just to let them cut my hair She was the best looking woman in the whole damn place With a smile that’s a cut above She was the best looking woman in the whole damn place That’s why I fell in love But now she’s gone My hair is long What can I do but sing this song Cosmetic School Graduation Now who will cut my hair? Cosmetic School Graduation’s not fair She was the sweetest girl that I ever met I had never seen before She was the sweetest girl that I ever met And I wanted to see her more So I went right back to the beauty school As soon as my hair grew out But she graduated from the beauty school So I wish I could find out Where she’s gone My hair is long What can I do but sing this song Art Wheeler © 2016
Will You Hide Inside My Heart
It seems like you have always loved me And that you always seem to care Whenever I am looking for you It seems like you are always there If I don't ask you this question I'll put the horse behind the cart Do you think that you could love me Will you hide inside my heart Will you hide inside my heart Will you crawl inside and stay There's a place in there for you Will you never go away If you don't feel the way I feel We can stop before we start No one ever needs to know Will you hide inside my heart It started on the day I met you And it grows more every day But I’m afraid to say I love you Afraid it might drive you away I love it when we are together I miss you when we are apart Will you stay with me forever Will you hide inside my heart Art Wheeler © 2016