Several years ago, I was in the locker room of a gym where I had been working out. A friend that I had not seen for several months came in and said hi when he saw me. His name is not Bill but that’s what I’ll call him. While Bill was changing into his workout clothes, put bandages over his nipples. I had heard of people doing this to protect their nipples from getting irritated by rubbing against their shirt, but I had never seen anyone do it. I didn’t think that much about it and sort of filed this away in my memory bank.
A few days later, I was back in the locker room of the same gym. While I was changing, I noticed a used bandage on the floor. I wondered if this was one of Bill’s bandages…
One year for Christmas, my mother bought me a copy of the album Why Can’t We Be Friends by War. This album has two hits, the title track and Low Rider. While I love these songs, this is an album that I would have never bought for myself. It had probably been out for a couple of years before I received it. That didn’t stop me from listening to it and it became a favorite. One of the highlights of the album was the first song on side 2. It’s an instrumental song that lasts for over seven minutes called Smile Happy. This song has become one of my go-to chill-out songs. It doesn’t put me to sleep but it has a calming effect on me to help me relax at the end of the day.
Going to the Mid-South Fair at the Fairgounds in Memphis, TN was a yearly trip for my family. In addition to the rides, we would also visit all of the buildings with a variety of exhibits. In 1977, we were going though one of these exhibit halls when we came up to a booth with Jerry “The King” Lawler. In addition to having one of the most popular television shows on Saturday mornings, Memphis Wrestling played to sellout crowds each Monday night at the Mid-South Coliseum, the arena also located at the Memphis Fairgrounds. Jerry Lawler was their biggest star. Watching Memphis Wrestling was a big part of my Saturday morning routine. While I had seen Lawler at live matches, this was going to provide a chance to meet him for the first time.
When I was in college, I was having a party in my dorm room. My dorm room parties were tame compared to my fraternity parties. I decided that we needed party games. I went to the local KMart and purchased a Pin The Tail On The Donkey game. While I was putting up the poster for that game, I remembered the Why Can’t We Be Friends album by War included a poster with a picture of the band. All members of the band were black except for harmonica player Lee Oskar. With his white man afro and bushy mustache, I thought he was Puerto Rican although he is originally from Copenhagen, Denmark. I hung the War poster on the wall for the party so we could also play Pin The Tail On The Puerto Rican. While we played both games, my new spin on this traditional game was a hit.
My first exposure to Dick Gregory was when I bought a book in the early 1970’s called Breaking It Up! The Best Routines of the Stand-Up Comics. Several years later, I picked up a copy of his album The Light Side: The Dark Side where he talked about his political career including a run for president in the 1968 election as a write-in candidate for the Freedom and Peace Party. Although I was a collector of comedy albums, this would be the only Dick Gregory album I would buy. Part of the reason for this was his albums were very hard to find. And even though this album was very funny, the political and social issues he discussed made it one that I wouldn’t listen to as often as my favorite comedy albums.
I was in Cub Scouts when I was in 5th grade. Our scout troop met in the gymnasium at the county elementary school located in Alamo, TN where I grew up. Because I lived in the city limits, I didn’t attend the county school, but I was familiar with the building because of various events I had attended there over the years. The gym had a stage at one end. Our meetings would usually start with some free play time in the gym while we were waiting for everyone to get there. There would be basketballs available so several of us would usually shoot if not organize teams and play. There were also kids just sitting around talking, running around, or doing any number of things to entertain ourselves. During one meeting early in the fall, I was with a group of guys playing around on the stage. I don’t remember what we were doing but I think we decided to move to the basketball court. I was lying down on the stage and decided to roll over to the edge, then ease off onto the court. As I put my legs over the edge of the stage, I noticed a hole in the left knee of my red jeans. For some reason, the stage in this gym had several bolts sticking up in what seemed to be random places. I had rolled over one of them and ripped a hole in my pants at the knee. Then I looked inside the hole and saw that there was a matching hole in my knee.
Several years ago, I was on a business trip in the Oklahoma City area. I was traveling with a coworker from another of our company’s locations. We arrived at the Oklahoma City airport on the same flight and planned to share a rental car since we were staying at the same hotel and would be in meetings together. She had rented the car but wasn’t feeling well so she asked me to drive. When I started the car, the engine seemed to be louder than what you would normally expect from any car. I asked her if she thought we should say something, and she thought it would be ok. It was late and she was ready to get some rest. We proceeded to our hotel which was close to the airport.
As usual, my wife has been embarrassingly generous to me again, showering me with birthday gifts each day in March. Because of my weight loss, the clothes were desperately needed. And I get as excited about other necessities as I do the more elaborate gifts. Her creativity is amazing and appreciated. Thank you for another outstanding birthday celebration.
01 – Frank August Small Batch Bourbon
02- From Hollywood to Heaven – The Lost and Saved Films of the Ormond Family Blu-ray set
03 – 100 pack Shark razor blades and 2 mini bottles of Casamigos blanco tequila
04 – Fine Barber Blue after shave
05 – Blue and white striped shirt and khaki pants
06 – Huxley College sweatshirt
07 – The Gonzo Tapes – The Life and Works of Hunter S. Thompson CD set
08 – Widow Jane Bourbon
09 – The Hershel Gordon Lewis Feast Blu-ray set
10 – Elvis and Me book by Pricilla Presley and and Elvis Blue Hawaii shirt
11 – Light reddish shirt and khaki pants
12 – Bourbon Curious book
13 – Fine Bay Rum shaving soap
14 – 2 short sleeve shirts and a pair of shorts
15 – Breakin’ Blu-ray.
16 – Breakin’ 2 Electric Boogaloo Blu-ray
17 – Huxley College tee shirt and grey shorts
18 – Taylor of Old Bond Street shaving cream and 2 mini bottles of Casamigos blanco tequila
19 – mp3 player
20 – Blue shorts and a Three Stooges tee shirt
21 – Tube of Taylor of Old Bond Street shaving cream and small bottle of Bourbon cologne
22 – Lucky Seven The Workhorse bourbon
23 – Igloo Party Bar cooler with Frank August bourbon and Frank Ferante tickets
24 – Fine Italian Citrus after shave and shaving soap
On April 4, 2019, I was about 3 days late with one of my best April Fool’s pranks. I made a post on Facebook that said, “Asking for your prayers today as I go to the doctor later to be checked for windmill noise cancer. TIA.” Donald Trump had been in the news earlier that week making false claims that noise from windmills cause cancer. Obviously, this is BS. So, my request for prayers was intended as a joke, making fun of a stupid statement from a dumb politician whose dumbness is so dumb, the likes of which we have never seen. This post received comments from 31 people. It also received 18 thumbs up, 10 laughs, 5 hearts and 2 shocked faces. About 9 of the people that commented got that it was a joke. The rest of the people were seriously concerned. I’m convinced that most of them didn’t read the post that close. When they saw the words doctor and cancer, they were ready to share their sympathy. I really appreciate their intentions and concern for me. Some probably hadn’t even heard the news about Trump’s dumb statement and assumed that it was a real thing. Most of the responses in the comments were statements like “Praying” or “Prayers”. A couple of people that I knew got the joke offered “thoughts and prayers” in the style of the empty concerns express by politicians reluctant to do anything else relating to mass shootings. One of my friends had a long prayer for me asking for complete healing of my body. My response was to say nothing and let this play out. I was enjoying watching the reactions.
Several years ago, during a meeting at church, I had to go to the restroom. As usual, I planned to wash my hands before I returned to the meeting. A bottle of green apple scented hand soap was sitting next to the sink in the restroom. When I pressed the pump of the dispenser, a glob of soap shot past the open palm of my hand, hitting the front of my khaki pants, next to the bottom part of the zipper. This is an embarrassing place to have a wet spot on your pants. Because it was soap, it wasn’t going to fade was it dried like it would have if I had just splashed water on my pants. Soap also has a thicker consistency. This suggested that I had done something in my pants other than just wetting myself. Additionally, this soap had a strong, Jolly Rancher type green apple scent. Attempting to return to the meeting as quickly as possible, I untucked my shirt trying to cover the spot on my pants. I couldn’t do anything about the smell. I also sat at the back of the meeting room to draw less attention. I was sitting next to a good friend. I told him I had an accident. I lifted my shirt to show him the spot. He restrained a laugh. I explained what happened. Then I told him I felt like a green apple pervert.
